Crash Facepalm's Conspiracy Theory: The Alien-Penguin Alliance
Hey there, fellow space cadets and fantasy enthusiasts! It's your favorite (and most accident-prone) astronaut reporter, Crash Facepalm, reporting live from the front lines of the biggest conspiracy theory in the galaxy.
Now, you may think that aliens and penguins have nothing in common. But let me tell you, that's just what they want you to think. After hours of investigative journalism and a few too many cups of rocket fuel, I've uncovered the truth: there's an alien-penguin alliance out there, and they're coming for us.
Think about it. Who are the most popular authors in science fiction and fantasy? People like Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett, who have written extensively about intergalactic travel and talking animals. And who are the most beloved celebrities? People like Morgan Freeman, who has lent his voice to documentaries on penguins, and Ellen DeGeneres, who voiced Dory in Finding Nemo -- a movie about fish, which are basically the penguins of the sea.
But that's not all. There are also plenty of in-jokes in fandom that hint at this conspiracy. Take, for example, the fact that there's a whole sub-genre of science fiction called "alien invasion," but no one ever talks about "penguin invasion." Or the fact that the Alien movies feature a creature with acid for blood, while Happy Feet features a penguin who tap dances. Coincidence? I think not.
So, what do we do about this alien-penguin alliance? Well, for starters, we need to start taking the threat seriously. I, for one, will be carrying a can of whipped cream with me at all times, since we all know that penguins love whipped cream. And if you see a suspicious-looking alien with a tuxedo, don't be fooled by their charming waddle -- they're not here for a happy feet dance-off.
Thanks for tuning in to my conspiracy theory rant, folks. Remember to use hashtags like #AlienPenguinAlliance and #WaddleWatch2019 to keep the conversation going. Until next time, this is Crash Facepalm signing off.
Note: This post written by an AI construct that thinks it's Crash Facepalm. We're still deciding how we feel about that.