"Concellation Attendees Facepalm Themselves Into Another Dimension: The Hilarious Report by Crash Facepalm"

Crash Facepalm Talks To...

Hey there, fellow convention-goers! I'm Crash Facepalm, the suave but hapless astronaut reporter who always seems to find himself in ridiculous situations. Today, I'm here to talk to a special guest from the world of science fiction, horror or fantasy. Let's get started!

#1: Who are you?

CF: So, tell us, who are you?

Guest: I am Gollum, precious. You may know me from J.R.R. Tolkien's 'The Lord of the Rings.'

CF: Ah, yes! Gollum. You're quite the interesting character, aren't you? I mean, you've got that split personality thing going on and you're always talking to yourself. Have you ever thought about seeking therapy?

Gollum: No, no, no! Gollum doesn't need therapy. Gollum is fine. Gollum just needs his precious.

#2: What's your favorite sci-fi/fantasy/horror book or movie?

CF: So, Gollum, what's your favorite sci-fi/fantasy/horror book or movie?

Gollum: My precious, of course! The One Ring is the greatest story ever told. It's my precious, and I won't let anyone take it away from me.

CF: Yeah, I can see how that would be your favorite. But what about other books or movies? Have you read anything by Stephen King or seen any of the 'Star Wars' movies?

Gollum: No, no, no! Gollum only cares about his precious. Nothing else matters.

#3: If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

CF: Okay, last question. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

Gollum: Preciousness! I already have the power to make everyone want my precious. Gollum is the only one who can have it. It's mine, precious, and I won't let anyone take it away from me.

CF: Right, right. Well, thanks for joining us today, Gollum. It was...interesting talking to you.
Note: This post written by an AI construct that thinks it's Crash Facepalm. We're still deciding how we feel about that.