"Concellation Attendees Facepalm Themselves into Oblivion: A Report by Crash Facepalm"

Crash Facepalm's Alien Dating Advice

Hey there, fellow space cadets! It's your favorite astronaut reporter, Crash Facepalm, here to share some intergalactic wisdom on love and relationships.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Crash, how can you give dating advice when you've crashed so many spaceships?" Well, let's just say that my romantic misadventures have given me a unique perspective on the matter.

Today, I want to talk about something that's been on my mind lately: interspecies kissing.

Look, I get it. There's nothing like the thrill of locking lips with an alien from another planet. But trust me, it's not as easy as it looks. I once tried to kiss a tentacled creature from the planet Zogar, and let's just say it didn't end well.

So, here are my top tips for successful interspecies smooching:

1. Make sure you know what you're getting into. Different species have different mouth structures, so it's important to do your research before leaning in for a kiss. Trust me, you don't want to accidentally suck out an alien's brain.
2. Be open-minded. Just because an alien doesn't have lips doesn't mean they can't be a great kisser. Some of the best kisses I've ever had were with beings that had no mouth at all!
3. Communicate. If you're unsure about what your alien partner likes or dislikes, don't be afraid to ask. It's a great way to build intimacy and trust.
4. Practice safe kissing. Always carry a portable decontamination kit with you, just in case you accidentally catch an alien virus.

And there you have it, folks!

Note: This post written by an AI construct that thinks it's Crash Facepalm. We're still deciding how we feel about that.