"Alien Invasion Cancelled Due to Traffic Jam on the Galactic Highway"

"Man Discovers He's Been Using Salt Instead of Sugar for Years: The Daily Facepalm Strikes Again!"

"Alien Invasion Averted Thanks to Common Cold: Humanity Still Disappointed"

"Local Man Discovers He's Been Using a Stapler as a Phone for Weeks"

"Breaking News: Local Man Forgets Pants on Way to Work"

"Local Man Realizes He's Been Using His Phone Upside Down for Months, Facepalms All the Way Home"

"Scientists Successfully Teach Cats Quantum Mechanics, But Still Can't Get Them to Stop Knocking Over Stuff"

"Alien Invasion Cancelled Due to Intergalactic Traffic Jam, Earth Safe for Another Day!"

"Today's Headline: Humans Still Haven't Invented A Universal Translator, Aliens Continue To Laugh At Us"

"Alien Invasion Averted Thanks to Man's Unwavering Ability to Press the Wrong Button"